From Ah Boy To Men!

Hey Nat! How have you been? Saw your thumblr post recently... you are having a hard time now right? What i want to say is that hang on there! dont look down on yourself... You can do much more than what u can imagine.. There are a lot more ppl out there that are having a harder time than you, so cherish your life k?  Stay positive is the most impt thing. See every obstacles you are going through as a challenge that has been destined to you in your life and you ought to overcome it all!

I know you had a quarrel with your boyfriend. Dont reproach your yourself after any quarrel k? Instead, share with him what you are unhappy about so that both of you can think of solutions to overcome them. I know you can do it de! JIAYOU! (:

Just watched "Ah Boy To Men" with my family. I cried... I think its the first movie that made me cried. Cos it reminds me of the time i went through when we broke up just right after my tekong time ends. And my tears are like at the brink of flowing out when the male lead gf broke up with him in the rain and went with another guy after that. It really hurts me as memories enter my brain. It makes me think of the time im missing you in tekong when you might be having a good time with yongchang and prob develop slight feelings for him? I reali dunno cos its really fast afetr we broke up that you are attached again. i wanted to trust you but i dunno...

In the movie, the male lead attempt ways to get out of camp just to see his gf that just broke up with him. He went through great lengths and efforts and pain. Similarly, i used to have thoughts of committing suicide just to attract your attention, like when i walked on the road, i will slow down, half hoping that a car can just knock me down and i can then be admitted to the hospital so that u can visit me. Every night in army camp, i thought of such things and only sleep after midnight and wake up restless everyday. Its tough and hard to go through. But its all over...

Nonetheless, i learned a lot from this relationship and sincerely want to thank you for giving me so much precious memories. Thank you! Wish you can overcome your large obstacle just like what i did and moved on with more courage! JIAYOU! (:

Still missing you every night! (:
Nights! Sweet Dreams! (:

JianSheng! (:

Nov '12

Hey Nat! Its November alr! Time really flies... Just ran adidas marathon recently. Its like at the city area, where we ran our first marathon standard chartered remember? Still remember we had kfc for breakfast after tat and u went to ur church after that when u forget to get your song sheet from me. Though we did not run our marathon but instead, walked almost the whole of it, it was really a unique and memorable one.

This time, i ran the marathon alone though sign up tgt with friends but we ran diff pace. i did not slp at all for this marathon. Accidentally drank 2 coffee tats y cannot slp -.- so i never slp a single min and go to run a marathon and the weather is like freaking hot and i ran alone... At 8km, my usual cramps gave me trouble again. i persevered but by 12.5km both my legs gave way. i cant even walk. i just drop by the side of the road. everyone just ran pass me, there is even a uncle tat took my photo being helpless though he asked me whether im ok after tat. After 20mins, i finally stood up but gave way again 500m later. so i spend almost an hour on the ground stretching my legs. During the 2nd time when i fall out, there is another person who suffered from heat stroke and her boyfriend was beside her, caring for her... If u were beside me at that time, things will be a lot better. Miss you...

Though i unsubscribe you from facebook, meaning cant see your posts on news feed, cos i really cant bear to see any sweet posts of you and yc. It still hurts. . . but occasionally, i cannot take it, brave up and see your profile. the few photos you took with xinting and jiayi at your house are really nice. You look really pretty as always.  And also more matured. Really miss those times.. . Wish you miss them too. .

JIAYOU! Btw, when will you be free to take the present from Benjamin  i know you rejected him a lot of times cos u find him annoying right? I had a hard time searching for those presents. So wish u will like them. I asked him to pass to you cos i scared you wont accept if i pass u at tat time. Wish you will take them soon and like them. Gonna slp now! Nights! (:

Smiles!
Jian Sheng! (:

 

MARSKMAN! (:

Hey Nat! Just wanna tell you that my atp range just ended! and i got on-the-dot marksman! out of like 40, onli 11 ppl have it! Feel proud of myself. If its the past, i would definitely share with you this good new asap, and you will definitely encourage me like you always do like "Awww, Im so proud of you.. " Haha!

This atp range is an interesting one. Ppl helping me shoot my target accidentally and me helping them shoot back too. During night shoot, there is 1 shoot  tat i use my laser to aim alr, then suddenly my target went down. Im  like WAT? So im left with the last shot, dunno where to shoot, so i just shoot at my friend one. HA! And he's like i never help you shoot wat. Then im like SHIT! Why so stupid help ppl shoot, cos if not no marksman liao! lucky in the end, he help me shoot without knowing so i got marksman! $200 ^^

Sadly, i left my rifle unattended during dinner and one captain from hq takes it. -.- so he is like monday i will think of your punishment. SIAN! Dunno will crash into my sgt course or not. Stress to be sgt at my workshop. Only sgt with all the men being more experienced than me. STRESSED!

Btw, yesterday went to have korean bbq at novena, after which we went to salted caramel. In the journey, saw SJII. So like think of the journey you go to school, miss going cchy with you. . . Everytime i go thomson,  memories will just fly into my mind. All the good moments that we had, discovering good food. Walking down those streets at night, running across red lights, really miss those times.

Oh ya, my mom somewhat agree to let me learn motorbike after my driving. Dunno why i want to learn it, prob just to have the feel of it. Will consider again whether to buy for uni, i know its dangerous. But oh well, haha! Prob i can bring you around for some road trip with it if you want. I will be extremely careful. .

Alright, always wishing you all the best! JIAYOU! SMILES K?

Love
JianSheng! (:

LOST HANDPHONE!

Hey. I lost my handphone on saturday. Can u believe? Nokia army handphone and ppl take it. Zzz. Not Sian about handphone missing. Its about the contents and the contacts. Tat time when we just broke up, i want to share my feelings with you but i cant. I get so helpless tat i really dunno how to express myself. So i type into my messages as drafts, also holding a possibility tat one day you can see them?

This incident reminds me of last year when u lost your purse at the mrt station and called me, feeling so helpless. Thinking back, i feel so bad. i never really feel your anxious-ness as much as i should and say like you are careless all those which i shouldnt say at all though i guess i keep telling you to remain calm and keep you occupied. but i think i did not do enough. Really wondering how are you doing now... ... ...

Btw, i just up pes successfully. Haha. My workshop ic has a good impression of me and want send me to sgt course. Feel so accomplished. Tried up pes at tekong for a chance to enter ocs as an officer but cant, so perservered and tried for the next highest, and it works (: just wanna share this good news with you. Used to call you immediately once i hear any good or bad news. Miss the times sharing with you anything, especially things that can make you smile (: Girl, i miss you! Haha!

Really wish you are doing well! (:

Smiles!
JianSheng! (:

September!

Hey Nat! How are you? Tired to keep seeing this same opening sentence? But this is really what i want to know most. Its about 6 months plus since then. We are like strangers since then. Feel so different. . .

This is the first time that my birthday is not spent with you. Honestly, i feel quite empty. Was waiting for my birthday to come for so long. Cos i thought that it will be the next time that you can at least message me or things like that. Wonder when is the next time. . . Had been anticipating your message since 12am. But nothing came. Disappointed? Ya. But i guess you have your reasons, probably dont want me to have any false hopes. When i saw your birthday wish on facebook, im rather happy though it is just a simple "happy birthday!". Thanks for wishing me.

When i try to sleep that night, i have been thinking through all those birthdays that we celebrate tgt. Although they are just simple celebrations plus long birthday message wishes, they etched in my heart deeply. I will always remember those happy memories. Thanks for giving me them.

Recently, there is a photo of you and your friends in cchy taken in secondary 4 during racial harmony day. I really miss those times. You are doing well in your current school i guess. Jiayou k? i know you can do it de!

When i see my friends being so loving tgt, i feel happy for them and admittedly envy. Prob i miss those moments we are tgt, be it times when we quarrel, when we laugh tgt, when we do all those sweet nothings. I just miss you.

Waiting for the time when you can be comfortable talking to me again...

Smiles
JianSheng! (:

Misunderstanding...

Hey Nat, i have just seen your thumblr post on the 17th and 14th of Aug. To be frank, initailly, i thought you are having problems in your current relationship and that i thought you have broke up with him. To say the truth, my first feeling i felt is sadness. I feel sad that you have broke up with him cos i think you 2 are rather compatible.

I do feel a little happy cos i thought maybe maybe you will see a little importance of me and appreciate my effort. I told quite a few ppl that i always share my feelings towards you to. And they ask me then wats next tat i will do. And i just replied them i will only let things come naturally now.

At like 2plus am, i went to see the post again to infer, and the more i feel amiss about it. Cos i gave Benjamin your house telephone number and he said he will be calling you on the 14th night. Then i realised the post u are writing about refers to me. I never realise that initially cos im like thinking when will you think about me again since you are in a sweet relationship now. Prob you do, but what are the chances?

After realising that your post refers to me, i feel sad. Sad that you write as though i have not put in enough effort in our relationship. "Ya, he loved me, but to what extent?" quoted. That hurts. I put in effort in our relationship and i thought that you really appreciate it. There isnt a praise in your post at all or maybe like saying u miss me or anything but rather all those hurting statements again. I know that it isnt your fault. It is neither of our fault and you should just not care about what ppl think.

I understand your intention in breaking up and i respect that. But i still dare to say that i miss you a lot. But do you miss a single bit? Homecoming cchy is next month, i know that you are attending. So im really having mixed feelings now. i feel like seeing you but scared that i do not have the courage to be normal with you again or be avoided by you again. I really do not have the courage anymore. Nevertheless, i still wish you all the best in your current relationship. Last long.

Smiles,
Jian Sheng.

Nat, when is the last time you think about me? Im really curious. Had a talk with my sister yesterday and she said that i thought i let go already. But she really think that i had not. Prob so, since i realised that i think about you at least once every 3 days?

Just now, Benjamin called me telling me about your present stuff. And when he started saying "Guan Hoe keep telling me that natalie and her boyfriend always... " Then i just stopped him cos i really do not have the courage to listen to the truth. It hurts. It really still hurts. I guess i had not let go yet.

I miss you...

Jian Sheng.

August 2012 (:

Hey Nat! Yesterday was national day.
1 year went passed tat fast. I can still remember last year national day when you came to my house and we baked cookies. Remember? At that time you were worried if your dad might call back and check on you so in the end you went home early but we really enjoyed tat day (:
I have been thinking whether you can feel my effort put in our relationship when im in jc years and you in secondary school. During those years, though dismiss at 5pm almost everyday, i still make it a point to balance my time with you and my work. I wish you can feel the effort that i put in. Or maybe you will feel that your current one put in more effort since he meet you like almost everyday and you all dun really need to balance bet love and friendship since you all have common friends that often go out tgt.
Im not trying to compare. But i just want to feel worthy as your ex, i just want to be someone being able to be there for you when you need me, purely as a friend. But you are still avoiding me, i guess.
Btw, i heard that you have become quite "bitchy", maybe is from your school culture, tats what i heard. But i believe in you and really do not wish that its really the case, cos i know you well and know that you aren't such a person.
Once again, wishing you that you can do well in your studies, take care of your health and last long with your boyfriend!

Smiles!
Jian Sheng (:

Do you know how sad and angry and pek chek i feel when i saw your photo with him at the hotel.. i can just imagine a lot of things happening, of cos not to the extent of having .... but still intimate stuff will happen.... its like you just left my life not long ago and everything tat i fear happen just happen. and they come quickly. cut deep down into my heart. i know i have no control and shld not even have a fucking control of your life. but i just wan to say i feel freaking ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just feel like telling the time to speed up.. speed up so tat i can just ignore you... ignore whatever things you do with him.... fuck this shit.. just ignore me...  though i think u ignored me long ago.. avoid me long ago... but please protect yourself.... please... i beg you... still wishing you happiness... ............................

(:

Hey. Nat how are you? Its July now. 4th month since we broke up? How are you? Have you received the text?
Actually i feel so much relieved to text it to you as i think i have expressed my genuine feelings to you. I really dunno why are you still so withdrawn to me. Im really ok and cool to be your good friend again. Why not try giving you and me a chance to be friends again?
Anyway the video posted is just some random song that i suddenly like listening to. To say the truth, after reflecting i think its better for us to not be together. Cos this way, we can then find our own suitable and comfortable ways. Contrary to this video, i know a lot of things but initially living in denial only. Now, im happy for you...
I wish that you are doing fine. Got concentrate on your studies? Got look after your health? I wish that all the mistakes that we have done in the past will not occurred again in your present one. Really wishing the best of everything to you. Looking forward to the time you can open up to me again... (:  


Smile!
Jian Sheng

Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra) - official video

I think this song is exactly wat happen bet us... at first wanted to post on facebook. but afraid tat you might misunderstand. so i chose to post here. wish u dun see it as a bad thing. but its smth tat i feel. wish you can appreciate it.

Hi Nat (:

Hey... i wonder if you happened to read my blog... i doubt so now... but im okay with it.. its better this way.. i can express out my feelings without disturbing you and your new relationship. How are you? Having holidays now? Wish tat i can go out with you at least once in your holiday. even though i know tat it will be quite awkward meeting up and maybe we wun have topics to talk about. But i guess just looking at you is enough. I miss you (:
You know smth? Im glad tat we had a relationship before. You taught me a lot of stuff, especially on managing my time well in my JC years. Manage bet studies and relationship is reali tough but you push me on. Instead of thinking tat meeting you is a compromise of my studies, i cherish it and take it as my motivation  to study even harder. And im glad tat i have such a beautiful you before tat went through my teenage life tgt. I wish you feel tat way too?
Whatever you are doing now, i just want to wish you all the best in everything you do. And the usual line: Jiayou! You can do it de! (: <3

Jian Sheng

Still missing you.

Hey. Its the start of June already. How are you? Really wish you are doing well. i have been wondering a lot of things recently. And in the end i think everything doesn't matters. What really matters is that you are happy now. Though i have to admit that i dun think i have gotten over you completely. I still miss you and the intensity increases randomly, especially when im alone.
Admittedly, seeing you being so happy with him, im jealous and miss all the happy times with you. But i realise at least you have someone to support you now. Im glad for you. Nonetheless, if you encounter any problems, im always here for you, to be your listener again if you dun mind. Smiles Nat! (:

How are you?

Hi Nat. I cant get in our private blog to post, i dunno why. So i onli can post here, since nobody comes to my blog also. I dunno long later will you see this.
Its May 2012 already. And to be honest, i haven't let go. I thought i have somehow move on.
But i just cant. Whatever things that i do, i will just think about you. i wonder if you do the same as me, now that you have another.
I have been following your thumblr and facebook and i think you do know that as i can feel it.
You posted something like " i wonder if anyone thinks of me when they cant fall asleep at night." i feel like replying but i didn't.
i respect your decision. But i can still say that I love you. Nevermind all the changes that i should do or to effort to save our relationship. Its pointless.
I realise what i want is not all that- to change or to get back. But rather what i want is you to be happy.
I love you so i don't mind that you are with him as long as you are doing well. I love you as i can't sleep and think of you every night. I love you as Im cautious with whatever i do, so that i won't hurt you. I love you so that I don't mind suffer in silence. I love you cos i know you love me too.
Soon it will be your birthday and i really wish you can enjoy yourself and not be so emotionally affected by Mothers' Day. How i wish i can be there for you. But i believe he did a better job than me?
I wish you the best in everything you do. Waiting for the day i can see you and talk to you again.

Love you... Forever...
Jian Sheng